WASHINGTON, DC, October 12, 2013: White House officials confirmed today that President Obama has rejected Speaker Boehner’s proposal to raise the debt limit temporarily, setting up the opportunity to do this same shit all over again in just six weeks time.
“According to Speaker Boehner’s plan,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, “the government would stay shut down for six more weeks as the economy grinds to a halt, unemployment continues to shoot up, and school kids, the poor, seniors, veterans and the disabled continue to be punished just because Paul Ryan had previously voted to invade Iraq and give tax cuts to the rich. Then, just before Thanksgiving, Republicans would hold the debt limit hostage again, potentially crashing global markets and ruining Christmas for everybody. The only beneficiary would be Fox News, who are planning a month-long series linking the upcoming global crash to Bill O’Reilly’s annual War on Christmas Telethon.”
With polls showing voters placing the blame for the shutdown squarely on Republicans, Newt Gingrich said he was very pleased with the way things were going, making the disastrous shutdown he led in 1995 seem like a distant memory.
The pain being caused by the shutdown is spreading all across America, with the website ShutDownCost.com capturing some of the misery. Washington DC Mayor Vincent C. Gray said the city has spent nearly $200 million of its rapidly depleting contingency reserve of “several hundred million.” And Maryland State Senator Clay Davis from HBO’s The Wire described the shutdown as “some shameful sheeit.”