Following the news that TIME Magazine has named Pope Francis ‘Person of the Year’, Donald Trump issued the following statement:
From the Desk of Donald Trump (née Drumpf)
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
First, let me congratulate Pope Francis on being named TIME’s Person of the Year. As a former Catholic I would certainly appreciate him putting in a good word for me with God regarding my history of adultery, divorce and scamming 87-year-old widows.
But come on, TIME, if you’re going to give the award to a foreigner, how could you not give the Person of the Year title to Canada’s Ted Cruz?
According to TIME: “In a matter of months, Francis has elevated the healing mission of the church — the church as servant and comforter of hurting people in an often harsh world — above the doctrinal police work so important to his recent predecessors.”
Come on, TIME! You can’t give an honor like ‘Person of the Year’ to a man who preaches tolerance, compassion and helping the poor. That is not what American Christians need to hear at Christmas time. Everyone since Jesus knows that handouts only breed dependency.
If American Catholics want spiritual leadership, they should look to Catholic theologians like Paul Ryan and John Boehner who know that Jesus really wants us to follow the teachings of that selfish God-hating Russian atheist Ayn Rand.
Screw the poor. TIME Magazine, you’re fired.