WASHINGTON, DC: January 22. 2014: House Speaker John Boehner issued a rare apology to President Obama today over comments he made following the West Virginia chemical spill that polluted the water supply of 300,000 residents of the nation’s second-poorest state.
“I was clearly wrong to cut funds to the EPA, cut regulations, and then blame the President for the plant not having been inspected since 1991. Of course, it was not his fault that plant wasn’t inspected in the 18 years before he became President. That in itself was a douchey thing to say. But it turns out that Freedom Industries, the corporate polluter that caused so much misery for so many people, was exempt from state and federal inspections anyway. There was nothing Obama could have done to prevent this leak. I was an asshole to suggest otherwise.”
“In my defense, it was only natural to think something should have been done to stop this preventable disaster. I felt the exact same way when that fertilizer plant exploded in West, Texas last year. Clearly, the time has come for commonsense regulations to protect our citizens from the kind of devastation that was wrought unnecessarily on the people of West Virginia. Let’s cut all this crap about abolishing the EPA and let’s strengthen our environmental regulations before another man, woman, child, or God forbid, fetus gets harmed.”
Visibly upset, Boehner declined to take questions from reporters.