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EXXON CEO Sues Self over Fracking

Lipstick Liberal

 

John Boehner

 

Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson, a tireless fighter to protect the process of hydraulic fracturing IN YOUR backyard, has become a tireless fighter to protect the process of hydraulic fracturing FROM HIS backyard.

Tillerson has joined a lawsuit to block a 160-foot water tower to be used for hydraulic fracturing in his town, citing the consequences of fracking would be detrimental to his home.  Mr. Tillerson came to the realization that he must sue the responsible party, himself, after spending $400,000 a day lobbying Government to stop any regulation of fracking. Mr. Tillerson feels confident he will successfully win this lawsuit against himself, citing historical precedence that hydraulic fracturing will diminish HIS land value, compromise HIS water table and with the increase of methane gas emissions (which is 100 times more potent than CO2) would create a disturbance in the air quality of HIS entire town.

His lawsuit against himself contends, “MY negligence and MY malice substantially impairs and diminishes uses, values and enjoyment of MY property, MY public health, MY safety and the general welfare of MY community.” He added, “MY property rights are unique and irreplaceable. I will fight MYSELF no matter what it takes!”.  He joins his neighbor, former Republican House Majority Leader Dick Armey, who stated “It would be quite pretentious for you people to believe God would permit global warming to ever be allowed to occur in MY backyard”.

When asked if his lawsuit would help the other 15 million Americans who who now live within 1 mile of a fracking destination, Mr. Tillerson replied,  “Any type of hydraulic fracturing regulation would hold back MY American economic recovery, MY growth, and MY global competitiveness”.

by Nicole Myrick, Lipstick Liberal