WASHINGTON- House Republicans are attacking President Obama’s continual usage of his own respiratory system in the face of a low approval rating. The attacks come after an anonymous source from the White House reported that the President is constantly inhaling air as a means of pumping oxygen into his lungs, thereby allowing him to exhale Socialistic ideas out of his mouth.
“It’s an affront to all the hard working Americans who can’t breathe on their own.” House Speaker John Boehner said in a statement. “The audacity of this President to inhale oxygen, circulate it through his bloodstream and then redistribute it as carbon dioxide Socialism is unprecedented. What’s next? Is he going to try to say that smoking is bad?”
When asked about Oxygen-gate, as it has been casually dubbed on The Hill, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) wondered aloud if President Obama had thought about the effect his respiratory circulation had on inner-city kids or the real culture problem presented in urban areas. “The President’s absurd abuse of power in dictating when and where he can circulate oxygen is unlike America has ever seen. He’s out there trying to convince America that consistent inhaling and exhaling is better for them. It’s unpatriotic and an overreach of power and… um… Socialism! Now if you will excuse me, I have to go yell at lazy black people.”
Reportedly, FOX News is hastily assembling a panel to discuss how much free oxygen the President can use and if it’s an affront to religious liberty.
At the time of press, a group of Republicans in the House were putting together a bill that would limit Obama’s personal use of oxygen, claiming that it would help uphold the Constitution and keep the President’s power in check.
The White House could not be reached for comment.