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Sarah Palin has reassured real Americans that she would do "thorough, intense, painstaking" due diligence on all 2014 GOP candidates before bestowing her coveted endorsement on their campaigns. "I'll be askin' 3 simple questions before a earns my coveted Wasilla Hockey Mom Lipstick Seal of Approval," she told supporters. "One, is this candidate goin' to win and make me look good? Two, has he ever worn mom jeans? And three, Benghazi." Palin said her new focus on "thoroughful thoroughness" was an attempt to move beyond the tremendous embarrassment John McCain caused the GOP in making a truly awful selection as Vice Presidential running mate in 2008.